hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
