He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
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Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
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The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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