It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize