Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
