he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
