Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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