I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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