I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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