Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
