If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
