NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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