Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
