I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
