OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I FOUND THE LEGS
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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