im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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