I accidentally had phone sex last night
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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