So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
