a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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