My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
