im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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