Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
