i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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