# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
