I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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