he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
