New low: just hacked my moms facebook
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
