i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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