I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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