Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
