his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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