my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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