When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
