Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
