I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
