smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
