Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
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I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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