Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
