I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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