I think I am morally bankrupt
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
