I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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