she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
