Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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