Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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