Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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