She's JV to your varsity
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
