Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
