have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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