Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
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When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
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I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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