I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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