when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
