is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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