Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
