I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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