I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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