why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
