What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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