Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
