you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
