I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
