i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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