We're like a lot better than the average bears
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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