I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
