So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
