Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
