I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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