Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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