i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
