My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
