So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
