Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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