you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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