Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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